A little bit of hurt

I keep a little bit of hurt
in the corner of my heart.
Sometimes
it still smarts.

But I don't want to heal
or forget the past.
Because I'll always want to
remember you.

So that little bit of hurt
shall stay with me,
and so will you
in my memory.

I hope it counts
as love.

What I Imagine

It's been a while since I've last felt this way. Everything that I've been feeling and thinking, I've held it all up inside of me. When I try to vocalize it, I fail to find a good grip on the ideas and concepts that I want to speak about. It's like my thoughts, insecurities, fears, hopes, dreams, expectations, dreams, realities, and my essence are spattered across the space of my mind like a haphazardly interconnected web. There were a few previous attempts at publishing my thoughts in some form of comprehensible, linear narration. But I quickly abandoned them because my feelings just run helter-skelter, as if an unknown monster was hunting them and they were trying to escape without reason.

Tonight, for the umpteenth time, I will finally succeed. I trust myself enough in this iteration. No more holding back, no more thinking, no more aimless flailing around. I will just put it down in words whatever that needs to be said. I won't worry anymore about missing out on a point which I feel might be important to make, nor about spending too much time on anything.

Pushing aside the flamboyance and verbosity, all I wanted to say actually was that I've forgotten what it feels like to be excited. And all this time, I was so afraid of being unable to explain why. So afraid of people misunderstanding my situation, afraid of people having inaccurate suppositions about what I'm going through. But I've realized already, that just gets in the way of me being me. So tonight I'm just going to be me, even if this period lasts only for a pitiful modicum of this fragment in time.

I was thinking of writing something significant to express my excitement about Jia Wern's wedding to May. But I kept fearing what others would think of me. Would I appear too casual, too nonchalant? Would I sound distant? Would I fall short of my own expectations of what a best friend groomsman is supposed to be like? What should I say, what can I say that would be perfect for this union of two lovers whom I boldly claim to be my friends?

I can only hope I don't cause either one of them to feel bad that I've been grueling to get the fact that I'm a groomsman registered into my psyche. But that's the truth; I'm selfish and insecure, when there's nothing to actually be anxious about. They deserve more than that. I cherish the opportunity to share one of their happiest moments in their lives, and I'm gonna have to man up about this whole affair.

So I've finally made up my mind. I'm determined that the best response I can have is to just join them in their reveling. To be at least half as excited as they are. To be excited at knowing a fraction of their journey of coming together, at knowing that they're finally tying the knot, and at knowing that they're going to spend the rest of their lives growing deeper in love with each other.

If that ain't exciting enough, I don't know what else would be. It's definitely very, very exciting. Well, that's what I imagine. ;)

Slipping

We would talk all night
Just the two of us
Until the soft dawn light
Then leave we must

I keep hoping that
It would never end
But yet it's your heart
That I want to defend

Your skin on mine
I wished you won't let go
Just one more time
I wished a wish you know

I'm slipping too fast
The tide has turned on me
Before I know it
This feeling flowed so effortlessly
I think I might be slipping slipping

Maybe maybe why don't you tell me
That I'm just imagining things
That there isn't much rush

Why Don't You Tell Me

Write down every memory
That I have of you
On a piece of paper
And tuck it away neatly

Write down every single thought
That I have of you
I'll write them on all these walls
I know that it's not a lot

If I could take every colour
To paint a picture
Of your beauty and grace
That you've shown in this place
It will never be enough

If I could take every melody
To sing a harmony
Of your gentleness and love
It will never be enough
It will never be enough

Why don't you tell me
How do you feel about all my dreams now?
Why don't you tell me
That you hear me crying

Why don't you tell me
How do you feel about all my dreams now?
Why don't you tell me
That you're near...

He is for you.

Swept along

In a world that’s dancing

to a meaningless beat

The current is strong

Can you hold on

To the one song

Your heart used to sing.

Your ideals

Swayed by reality

Your goals

Now lack clarity

Be still and know

You, in your world,

orbiting a star -

one of the millions

in a galaxy -

one of the millions

in the universe,

are loved.

By none other

than the Creator.

The Boy with His Heart on His Sleeve and the Girl Who Never Tried to Fix Him

http://www.dailylove.net/2010/09/91710.html

=)

Not Enough

Sore limbs

Bruised knuckles

Bloody eyes

Ragged breath

Jagged teeth

Man in motion

As fluid as poetry

Senility of the sentry

Residing in the sanctum

Sanctions and semantics

Cerebellum cerebella

Erasing data

Like an impulsive medula oblongata

Itchy chin

Explosion of emotions

Tired of these songs

On this boring radio