Skin deep

Mr Murray

I looked into the mirror. A well-dressed, sharp-looking man stared back. Brushing an imaginary speck of dust off the suit I wore, I studied the image. Life had been kind to me, at least on the surface. My image was perfect, save for the long, faded scar that began on the right side of my neck that disappeared underneath my collar. As always, I traced the scar, feeling and relieving the fiery pain that still smoldered within. There were more scars below, hidden by my shirt, and not all of them were skin-deep. Looking away, I sat down at the mahogany desk, my eyes drawn to the family photo in the ornate photo frame displayed proudly for my clients' viewing. The American Dream. The perfect family. Happy and smiling, safe and secure. Skin-deep. No one sees the tightness in her throat, the tension in my shoulders, or the hand clenched into a fist behind his body. All they see are the smiles. Skin-deep.

A sudden fire welled up in my heart as my eyes fell on the little boy standing with his sister in the middle of the picture. My son, James. My rightful heir. The boy that I had carefully groomed and cultivated in the hope that he would one day become all that I had failed to be. The boy that I had loved with all my heart. And he had been on the brink of throwing his life away. For her. His daughter. The scar on my neck throbbed. For a brief moment my heart filled with an unreasonable sense of betrayal. But I knew it was unreasonable, because James did not know, and so I willed it away. I had done enough. I had hurt James, but I did not regret it. She would only have led him astray. Led him to destruction. I knew because she looked exactly like her father. And I knew her father. Oh, I knew him very well indeed.

My eyes shifted to the left. Frances. I wondered where she was now. She moved out the first chance she got, and never spoke to me again. Even her mother would not tell me anything about her. For the umpteenth time, I wondered where I had gone wrong.

The rapping on the door caught my attention. "Come in," I said immediately. Ah, Marshall. I liked this one. Hardworking, responsible, a tad sad puppy-like, and most importantly, naive. Perfect for my purposes.

"You called me, sir?"
"Yes, yes. I wanted to talk to you."
"What about, sir?"
"I will be hosting a function tonight. And I want you to be present."
"Me, sir? I'm honoured."
"Yes, you, son. You've put up a good job performance around here. That's why I'm going to show you off to the bigshots. Oh, and before I forget, I suggest you bring a date. You know, James' ex-girlfriend. Just ask her out for the night - it'll help sharpen up your image of togetherness. And in this political business, son, your image is everything."
"Sir, I'm not too sure..."
"He won't be there tonight - he's out of town for the weekend. Don't worry. Just ask her for a favour as a friend."
"Alright, I'll ask her, sir. Thanks."
"Be here at 7 sharp. Remember, your image is everything."
"Yes, sir."

The door creaked shut behind him, and I leaned back onto the padded chair in satisfaction. Marshall, oh, Marshall. You're so in love with her. Anyone can see that. And so, you shall be the perfect instrument in keeping them apart. Diana will never hurt James again.

-Maia-

Delusions

It comes
It comes!

Fiery fire painless pain
Burning flesh and making rain
Rubbing salt into the wound
Dig out your eyeballs with a spoon

Gratification! Whereupon hence?
Go now my brother, into!
Into!
The seal
The pit
The fiery fire!

Die, fool!
Ignominious moron
Thinkest thou ruinest I?
I?

Cackling laughter makest me
Chatter-hungry lady be
For the pie before I dine
Drinketh thou with pretty wine

Go now, go now!
Fire, fear, foes!
Anger knows, anger goes
Killeth me and eatest thou

Feed the blood, fan the flame
No more suffering, no more shame
Only left with pitiest pyre
The body hung over the fire

Evil! Evil! Oh, oh!
Nothing, save me, all alone!
Tend to me you cowardly dunce
Faerie lust before the moon

Emptiness without
Reigning within queen
Of hell
Night and darkness
Beats, Time mourns
Forever lost alone, alone

The sun! It burns!
You will feel the flames soon enough
I cannot stop the sickness
And cannot fend of the madness
Consumes me
Overtakes me
Wildness whereupon within!

GO NOW!
Into the fires of damnation
Let heaven mourn

And leave me alone
Leave me alone

-The Madman-

Homecoming

James

The sea breeze felt cool against the skin of my face. I let the warm, salty smell of the sea envelope me in its comfort. The sea that had kept us apart for so long, but the sea that was also now bringing me back. To her.

We were very near land now. We couldn't be more than three hours away. I could hear the seagulls screaming overhead, welcoming me home.

I went back into the cabin and sat. For some strange reason I felt nervous. I twiddled my thumbs and ran my hand through my hair. I fixed her image in my mind. The image that I had cherished in my memory. We were still best friends, then. Her smile lit up the entire room. I wondered if she had changed. Would she look the same, smell the same, feel the same?

I closed my eyes and leaned back, reveling in the memories of her.

***

The ship blared its horn and I woke up with a start. Looking up the window, I saw that we were docked already. I felt disappointed with myself. I had wanted to be on deck when we neared the shore, so that I could try spotting her in the crowd, to ease my anxiousness. I had wanted to be the first to spot her, to be able to fix in my mind the memory of her drawing closer as the ship neared. But it was too late for that now.

Gingerly I grabbed my carry-on and stood up. The deck was crowded with passengers attempting to disembark. I joined the throng, but my mind was far away. All that I could think of was the mass of people below, those who had come to meet the ship. Somewhere among them was Diana, waiting for me. Waiting for ME.

Forcing myself to move unhurriedly, I made my way to the gangplank. I tried to paste a nonchalant expression on my face but could only manage a silly grin. I reached the bottom and looked around, wondering why I hadn't spotted her by now. Then I saw her, and the silly grin became a nervous smile.

She approached me, smiling like an angel. I tried to say something but could not, so tongue-tied was I in her presence. I marveled at her peace of mind.

"Hey," she said pleasantly. She looked at me expectantly. I was about to raise my hand in reply when I noticed she was blushing. Her normally fair face was pale pink, giving away her own apprehension. All of a sudden my nervousness melted away, and I grinned, then chuckled. Diana was not a girl easily taken with apprehension. She smiled, though her eyes were questioning.

"You're blushing," I said. She continued smiling but blushed even deeper at my words. She opened her mouth to say something in return but I enveloped her in a hug before she said another word. I felt her stiffen in surprise, then she softened and hugged me back tightly.

"I missed you," I whispered into her ear, but it came out as a strangled "Mrsshu". She pulled away and looked at me quizzically. "You said something?"

I looked up, took a deep breath, then looked back at her.

"I missed you."

This time it came out right, but I felt my face starting to heat up. She smiled, and playfully touched my nose.

"Who's blushing now?" she asked with a grin.

I smiled, and hugged her again.

I was home.

The Return

Diana

The rain was pouring outside, but that wasn't enough to dampen my spirits. He was coming back today. Oh, the myriad of emotions that followed that thought! A surge of warmth overwhelmed my heart, and my joy displayed itself through a grin stretched from cheek to cheek. Anticipation. Trepedition. Lovely apprehension. I coloured slightly as I wondered if he felt the same way too.

Was it just me, or was Time creeping by slowly to prolong my wait? Cruel. Positively cruel. I bounced back onto the bed and hugged my pillow tightly to myself. He's coming back, and that's all that matters. He's coming back. What does it feel like to be in love? I smiled, knowing I couldn't describe that sweet current of warmth flowing through me. All I knew, he loved me too.

***

The seconds ticked by, turning into minutes. One, two, three. I craned my neck to get a better view of the port, even though I knew his ship wasn't anywhere in sight yet. Delays. I sighed. The restlessness I felt manifested itself in my fidgeting and constant glancing at my watch. After what seemed like an interminable 15 minutes, the ship finally appeared in the misty horizon. I sighed again. It would take no less than another half hour for it to be docked properly. I began to feel the butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. Between willing the ship to hurry up and having my stomach in knots, the wait was excruciating.

But "finally" finally arrived. I caught sight of his awkward gait in the crowd of passengers disembarking from the ship. All of a sudden, I was seized by an apprehension so great I froze. He was looking around eagerly, but his eyes betrayed his nervousness as well. "He's nervous too," I chuckled despite myself. Somehow, knowing that fact was comforting.

"He's your best friend, anyway. What's the difference? You shouldn't be nervous or awkward. Just act natural," I talked myself into a calmer state, and finally found it in myself to approach him. His face lit up when he met my eyes, but I could see that my presence left him tongue-tied. Desperate to lighten up the atmosphere, I managed a feeble "hey". He averted his eyes for a split second, and looked back. And chuckled. Relieved, I began to grin again.

"You're blushing."

Oh, so that was why he was laughing. I attempted to salvage my dignity by wiping that grin off my face, but to no avail. I couldn't help myself, and blushed even deeper. So many things I wanted to say, but they all ended up stuck in my throat. He was coming closer now, and I couldn't move. Before I knew it, I was wrapped in a bear hug. All I could do was to hug him tightly in return. Suddenly, words seemed superfluous. Everything would be all right. Everything felt all right.

"Mrsshu."

Startled, I loosened my grip on him. "You said something?"

He looked up to the ceiling, took a deep breath and looked back at me.

"I missed you," He was getting choked up now.

I smiled, indicating that the feeling was mutual. I playfully touched the end of his nose.

"Who's blushing now?"

Then he smiled, and hugged me again.

-Maia-

All I Want Is You

I stand here in this place
See the glory on Your face
I'm taken by the wonder of Your name
I'm desperate for Your touch
Never needed it so much...

Because all I want is You.