The Man by the Roadside

It is another one of those cloudy days, and I am out for a walk again. I walk on aimlessly, having no destination in mind, until my path diverges into two roads. I struggle with indecision. Take the left one. No, take the right one. Neither is familiar, so I eventually settle for the road leading to the right.

The sound of leaves crackling under my feet is the only sound that breaks the silence of my surroundings. The breeze caresses my cheeks as I close my eyes to breathe in the scent of the nearby forest.

“Boy.”

Startled, I look around. A man is squatting by the roadside, watching me. He has been so quiet that I did not notice him until now.

“Yes, you. Where are you from?”

“I’m from the College. Well, that’s where I am now. My hometown is far away, though.”

“Where are you going?”

I do not know how to answer this question. I am tempted to take it at face value, but something stirs within me. His eyes search me. Something tells me he is asking for more than just my physical destination. I hesitate.

“I don’t know, really.”

“Where do you want to go, then?”

“I’m…not sure.”

The man smiles. “Then why are you here?”

I am starting to get indignant. Why is he asking me all these questions, and why am I compelled to answer them honestly? He is nothing but a stranger to me. Yet this mysterious stranger captures my attention. I throw him a vague answer to see if he can follow my train of thought.

“Maybe it’s because I don’t have a choice.”

“Really? But you chose the path leading to the right today, didn’t you? You chose to talk to me, even though you could have just ignored me. Your choices will dictate where you go. What you will become. Who you will be and what you will do. Don’t look back at the end only to regret having your life dictated by others.”

I am silenced. Slowly, I turn around and walk back up the path, his words still ringing in my ears.

This time, I stride purposefully.

Man

Bold.
Firm.
Stolid.
Strong.
Decisive.
Fearless.
Ruthless.



Heartless?

Less than I

I wrote my apology
On this yellow piece of crumpled up paper
But I keep it in my pocket
Unable to decide what to do
Indecision grips my heart
And my mouth holds fast

I admit I am corrupted
Mind, body
Spirit and soul
Swallowed completely
Swallowed whole

I'm sorry
But I'm not who you think I am
I'm lesser than he

I've heard of that special spark
That ignites one's soul
Inflaming the spirit
Permeating the mind
And galvanizing the body

That special spark which gives all the chance to be the best versions of themselves

Maybe I once had it
But maybe don't anymore
I've been going through the motions
An empty husk with a fake smile

With my tiny hands
I fumble to patch the holes in my heart
The blood leaks
Is this it; is this the start
I am draining

Like a candle in the wind
Like foam on the stormy waves
Should I hold on to dear life?

I've lost the Spirit
I've turned away
The was-once cooling oil
Now burns me
Like coals being heaped on my head

I lie on the dusty ground
A corpse; dry and rotten
Within me
Worms that never die
And fire that never burns out

But if you really believe
In that spark
You aver about
Is who we really need

Then
I'll try.