How
did the rose
ever open its heart
And give to this world
All its
Beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light
Against its
Being.
Otherwise,
We all remain
Too
Frightened.
-Stella-
*not an original Edenia post
Monday 26 November 2007
Thursday 22 November 2007
Saviour (part 1)
He stepped into the tent.
And from that moment onwards...
I fell in love.
I had never believed in love at first sight.
But that night, I knew that he was the one.
Never had I ever felt so convicted.
I must have this man, I thought fervently.
But...
He just stood there - dashing, calm, elegant, full of confidence and poise. His jet black clothing, jet black hair and jet black eyes.
And there was something about him that seemed to govern the attention and reverence from people around him.
His eyes searched the tent.
And met mine.
I knew in my heart, his heart skipped a beat.
He's mine. He's mine for sure.
Please, please... Pick me...
"How much for her?" he asked the pimp as he pointed his finger at me.
"Whoa, fine sir... You certainly are not a simple man. That girl right there?" replied the crusty pimp. "Ah... One of our newer ones. Plus, I've heard she's quite the devil. Definitely will cost you a little extra."
"How much?"
The pimp cleared his throat. "Since you look like a well to do person..."
"How much?"
"200 gold pieces for tonight," came the answer.
"What about I buy her?"
I could tell that the pimp was beginning to sweat. He was probably thinking of how much gold he would be able to squeeze from the man in black.
My heart was racing as well.
He's buying me...
Why? How come?
Oh, whoever that's up there in Heaven.. Whoever that's in charge of my fate...
I swear I'll devote myself to serving you.
Just don't let this dream shatter.
"Done."
The heavy bag of gold exchanged hands.
The pimp, filled with glee, was shaking so hard that he dropped the bag.
It burst apart and gold coins scattered. An uproar promptly ensued.
And in the midst of the minor chaos, he took me out from the tent.
I couldn't believe it.
Just a few weeks ago, I decided to sell sex to survive. But now, I was free. My freedom bought by a man.
A handsome one, too!
His strides were long, and I had to walk briskly to keep up.
As we walked out of the city, I gathered my courage myself to speak.
"Excuse me sir..." I said softly.
He stopped walking, and turned to face me.
Seeing no reaction from him, I boldened myself.
"Thank you."
As I said that, I felt my cheeks becoming hot.
His impassive expression did not falter a single bit. He merely nodded, and resumed walking.
"Wait..." I voiced out.
"What is it?"
I became scared suddenly.
"What's your name?" I asked cautiously.
No answer.
"I'm Ara," I said.
"Ara.... I like your name."
I smiled and blushed. "I would still like to know your name."
Again, no answer.
"Let's go."
"Okay."
Something's weird. Why am I following him? Why did he choose me back at the brothel?
Where are we going? Why won't he tell me his name?
Yet... I feel safe. I feel that I can trust him, despite all the questions and absurdity of it all.
I'm actually going head on into something. Something big. Something that would change my life. Something that would change this place.
Something so big, that it might even change... history.
"Are you coming, Ara?"
"Oh... Sorry... I'm coming," I replied.
This is absurd. Who are you? My handsome saviour...
****
j@Ve comments:
Argh crap! I'm actually in the middle of my study week! Exams are 3 days from now! But anyway, I'll finish this Saviour series by middle of December. Actually, it's a dream that I had.
I was that dashing, handsome guy, of course. XD
Just thinking maybe I should try writing stories from a girl's point of view. But I don't know the female psyche. So please forgive me if it's corny. This is my first time - I can do only do as much.Excuses! tut tut... heheh, but i'm having exams soon, so can't spend too long on this marrr...
Anyway... Like Jia Wern said (a few months ago):
"Everything's getting tangled up."
Hope to start something concrete soon. Bleh...
And from that moment onwards...
I fell in love.
I had never believed in love at first sight.
But that night, I knew that he was the one.
Never had I ever felt so convicted.
I must have this man, I thought fervently.
But...
He just stood there - dashing, calm, elegant, full of confidence and poise. His jet black clothing, jet black hair and jet black eyes.
And there was something about him that seemed to govern the attention and reverence from people around him.
His eyes searched the tent.
And met mine.
I knew in my heart, his heart skipped a beat.
He's mine. He's mine for sure.
Please, please... Pick me...
"How much for her?" he asked the pimp as he pointed his finger at me.
"Whoa, fine sir... You certainly are not a simple man. That girl right there?" replied the crusty pimp. "Ah... One of our newer ones. Plus, I've heard she's quite the devil. Definitely will cost you a little extra."
"How much?"
The pimp cleared his throat. "Since you look like a well to do person..."
"How much?"
"200 gold pieces for tonight," came the answer.
"What about I buy her?"
I could tell that the pimp was beginning to sweat. He was probably thinking of how much gold he would be able to squeeze from the man in black.
My heart was racing as well.
He's buying me...
Why? How come?
Oh, whoever that's up there in Heaven.. Whoever that's in charge of my fate...
I swear I'll devote myself to serving you.
Just don't let this dream shatter.
"Done."
The heavy bag of gold exchanged hands.
The pimp, filled with glee, was shaking so hard that he dropped the bag.
It burst apart and gold coins scattered. An uproar promptly ensued.
And in the midst of the minor chaos, he took me out from the tent.
I couldn't believe it.
Just a few weeks ago, I decided to sell sex to survive. But now, I was free. My freedom bought by a man.
A handsome one, too!
His strides were long, and I had to walk briskly to keep up.
As we walked out of the city, I gathered my courage myself to speak.
"Excuse me sir..." I said softly.
He stopped walking, and turned to face me.
Seeing no reaction from him, I boldened myself.
"Thank you."
As I said that, I felt my cheeks becoming hot.
His impassive expression did not falter a single bit. He merely nodded, and resumed walking.
"Wait..." I voiced out.
"What is it?"
I became scared suddenly.
"What's your name?" I asked cautiously.
No answer.
"I'm Ara," I said.
"Ara.... I like your name."
I smiled and blushed. "I would still like to know your name."
Again, no answer.
"Let's go."
"Okay."
Something's weird. Why am I following him? Why did he choose me back at the brothel?
Where are we going? Why won't he tell me his name?
Yet... I feel safe. I feel that I can trust him, despite all the questions and absurdity of it all.
I'm actually going head on into something. Something big. Something that would change my life. Something that would change this place.
Something so big, that it might even change... history.
"Are you coming, Ara?"
"Oh... Sorry... I'm coming," I replied.
This is absurd. Who are you? My handsome saviour...
****
j@Ve comments:
Argh crap! I'm actually in the middle of my study week! Exams are 3 days from now! But anyway, I'll finish this Saviour series by middle of December. Actually, it's a dream that I had.
I was that dashing, handsome guy, of course. XD
Just thinking maybe I should try writing stories from a girl's point of view. But I don't know the female psyche. So please forgive me if it's corny. This is my first time - I can do only do as much.
Anyway... Like Jia Wern said (a few months ago):
"Everything's getting tangled up."
Hope to start something concrete soon. Bleh...
Sunday 11 November 2007
The haunting
I'll never forget the day I first met him. The day he crept silently into my life, cold, immovable, but with inexorable force. The day summer turned into winter, beautiful but cold. The day my eyes were opened to the beautiful but marred picture that the world is.
I met him at midnight. The witching hour, they call it, and aptly is it named. He was lying on his back on the roof of the barn, looking at the stars. The sky was clear, and the moon was full. Earlier he had dropped by the house and asked for permission from my parents to spend the night on their land. A "quiet stranger", my parents had called him, charmed by his silent eloquence.
I watched him from a distance, at first. He made no gesture of acknowledgment, but I knew that he was aware of my presence. He only continued to stare into the sky, his face like stone, as if he was searching for something. So I approached him out of curiosity.
"What are you looking for?" I asked.
He turned and looked at me. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes were full of darkness and despair.
"I look for that which cannot be seen." Then he turned his sad eyes back to the sky.
I waited, but he said no more, so I questioned him further.
"What is that which cannot be seen?"
But this time he did not reply. Only his eyes showed that he had heard my question, for teardrops formed at their corners, and one slowly rolled down his stubbly, unshaven cheek.
"I'm sorry," I said softly, surprised and embarrassed. I turned and quietly withdrew, not wanting to add to the emotional suffering that he was obviously going through.
I almost didn't hear his whispered reply.
"Heaven. I'm looking for heaven." The soft whisper floated like a breath of wind in the silent night, wretched and bereft of joy.
The stars twinkled above.
I met him at midnight. The witching hour, they call it, and aptly is it named. He was lying on his back on the roof of the barn, looking at the stars. The sky was clear, and the moon was full. Earlier he had dropped by the house and asked for permission from my parents to spend the night on their land. A "quiet stranger", my parents had called him, charmed by his silent eloquence.
I watched him from a distance, at first. He made no gesture of acknowledgment, but I knew that he was aware of my presence. He only continued to stare into the sky, his face like stone, as if he was searching for something. So I approached him out of curiosity.
"What are you looking for?" I asked.
He turned and looked at me. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes were full of darkness and despair.
"I look for that which cannot be seen." Then he turned his sad eyes back to the sky.
I waited, but he said no more, so I questioned him further.
"What is that which cannot be seen?"
But this time he did not reply. Only his eyes showed that he had heard my question, for teardrops formed at their corners, and one slowly rolled down his stubbly, unshaven cheek.
"I'm sorry," I said softly, surprised and embarrassed. I turned and quietly withdrew, not wanting to add to the emotional suffering that he was obviously going through.
I almost didn't hear his whispered reply.
"Heaven. I'm looking for heaven." The soft whisper floated like a breath of wind in the silent night, wretched and bereft of joy.
The stars twinkled above.
Kamu
Buli besar
Peduli aku
Erti kau
Mungkin ku tahu
Mungkin ku faham
Tapi bila hidup mendering
Bila cahaya menyambar
Akan kautahu
Derita kaubawa
Jangan geleng kepala!
Menyampah. Membising.
Berani ku melambung tinggi
Agar kau dibawa
Bayu minda merana
Faham! Faham!
Dikau mungkin
Tapi bukan aku
Bukan aku.
Peduli aku
Erti kau
Mungkin ku tahu
Mungkin ku faham
Tapi bila hidup mendering
Bila cahaya menyambar
Akan kautahu
Derita kaubawa
Jangan geleng kepala!
Menyampah. Membising.
Berani ku melambung tinggi
Agar kau dibawa
Bayu minda merana
Faham! Faham!
Dikau mungkin
Tapi bukan aku
Bukan aku.
Drown (Version 2)
Looking for the right words to say,
But they slip away.
They slip away?
Can't help but put on this face,
Displaying this mask.
This mask?
Futility.
Futility?
Every single step,
Feels like a dead end.
A dead end?
Losing sleep.
Why am I? Why? I?
Every plunge into the depth,
Seems to last longer.
Longer. Looonnggeeerrr.
Giving up becomes sweeter
Giving up becomes easier
Sweeter and easier. Sweet and easy. Sweet. Easy.
Hang on
Hang on
Hang on? On what???
The woman who you try to impress,
May not see your worth.
Your worth? Yours? Worth?
But from the shadows
Others long for you to smile
Smile! Smile???!!!
Don't give up!
Give up? Give up???
Don't drown yet.
Drown? Drown???
I hear my own voice calling out to myself.
Have I really lost myself?
Lost myself? Me? Lost???
Am I also one of those who are looking for my smile?
Am I also one of those who are looking for my smile?
Looking? My smile? Smile!!!
I wonder.
Wonder. Wonder. Wonder.
But they slip away.
They slip away?
Can't help but put on this face,
Displaying this mask.
This mask?
Futility.
Futility?
Every single step,
Feels like a dead end.
A dead end?
Losing sleep.
Why am I? Why? I?
Every plunge into the depth,
Seems to last longer.
Longer. Looonnggeeerrr.
Giving up becomes sweeter
Giving up becomes easier
Sweeter and easier. Sweet and easy. Sweet. Easy.
Hang on
Hang on
Hang on? On what???
The woman who you try to impress,
May not see your worth.
Your worth? Yours? Worth?
But from the shadows
Others long for you to smile
Smile! Smile???!!!
Don't give up!
Give up? Give up???
Don't drown yet.
Drown? Drown???
I hear my own voice calling out to myself.
Have I really lost myself?
Lost myself? Me? Lost???
Am I also one of those who are looking for my smile?
Am I also one of those who are looking for my smile?
Looking? My smile? Smile!!!
I wonder.
Wonder. Wonder. Wonder.
Sovereign
Thou sovereign of my heart treasured in the deepest fastness of my chest, in the fullness of my thought, there ... unknown divinity!
Oh, can I really believe the poet's tales, that when one first sees the object of one's love, one imagines one has seen her long ago, that all love like all knowledge is remembrance, that love too has its prophecies in the individual.
It seems to me that I should have to possess the beauty of all girls in order to draw out a beauty equal to yours; that I should have to circumnavigate the world in order to find the place I lack and which the deepest mystery of my whole being points towards, and at the next moment you are so near to me, filling my spirit so powerfully that I am transfigured for myself, and feel that it's good to be here.
– Søren Kierkegaard, Journals
*not an original Edenia post
Insignificant
A whisper in the wind
The voice of one man is
Dying screams; deaf ears
Lost, the meaning in the sigh
Beyond futility redemption lies
Overwhelming satisfaction
Tainted by sound and fury
Achieving nothing
Regrets avoided, corrected mistakes
Black into white
Indeed
If ice burns
Why not?
A candle in the wind
A drop in the ocean
A star in the night sky
A grain of sand on the shore
Innumerable numbers
Absolutely infinite
Suffocating vastness
In white noise cloaked
Singularity drowns
Does it not matter?
The passage of time?
The questions without answers?
Insignificant insignificance
Vast vastness
Meaningless meaningless
Questioned questions
I lie.
The voice of one man is
Dying screams; deaf ears
Lost, the meaning in the sigh
Beyond futility redemption lies
Overwhelming satisfaction
Tainted by sound and fury
Achieving nothing
Regrets avoided, corrected mistakes
Black into white
Indeed
If ice burns
Why not?
A candle in the wind
A drop in the ocean
A star in the night sky
A grain of sand on the shore
Innumerable numbers
Absolutely infinite
Suffocating vastness
In white noise cloaked
Singularity drowns
Does it not matter?
The passage of time?
The questions without answers?
Insignificant insignificance
Vast vastness
Meaningless meaningless
Questioned questions
I lie.
Thursday 8 November 2007
Drown
Looking for the right words to say
But they slip away
Can't help but put on this face
Displaying this mask
Futility
Every single step
Feels like a dead end
Losing sleep
Every plunge into the depth
Seems to last longer
Giving up becomes sweeter
Giving up becomes easier
Hang on
Hang on
The woman who you try to impress
May not see your worth
But from the shadows
Others long for you to smile
Don't give up
Don't drown yet.
I hear my own voice calling out to myself.
Have I really lost myself?
Am I also one of those who are looking for my smile?
Am I also one of those who are looking for my smile?
But they slip away
Can't help but put on this face
Displaying this mask
Futility
Every single step
Feels like a dead end
Losing sleep
Every plunge into the depth
Seems to last longer
Giving up becomes sweeter
Giving up becomes easier
Hang on
Hang on
The woman who you try to impress
May not see your worth
But from the shadows
Others long for you to smile
Don't give up
Don't drown yet.
I hear my own voice calling out to myself.
Have I really lost myself?
Am I also one of those who are looking for my smile?
Am I also one of those who are looking for my smile?
Wednesday 7 November 2007
Dilemma
I stumbled into my room.
I switched on my computer.
My head swimming.
Thoughts of her flooded my mind. Overflowing, overwhelming.
"I... I..."
Choked on my words.
"I love you too," she supplied.
From then onwards, the noisy cafeteria seemed so quiet. The place was bursting with people and activity, but I felt so at peace just sitting next to her - her hand in mine, her fingers interlocked with mine, her head gently leaned on my shoulder, the smell of her hair, her soft words, her soothing presence.
I gulped. That was not I had expected.
I love her. I love her so much, it's absurd. Seriously absurd. It's wrong.
Then again, we're so..... Meant to be.
But, I have to let her go. I thought I'd put both of us at rest - bring a sense of closure or satisfaction - by clearing all the clutter; by coming clean about our feelings.
Letting go became more difficult than ever.
My God calls. I begin to weave the spell to open the door to Edenia. Then a window popped up on my computer screen.
"Hey... You there? I wanna talk about just now..."
I decided to let my God wait a bit.
"Why did you leave like that?" she added.
I thought, my God is gonna have to wait more than just a bit.
I begin to type my reply.
"I..."
My God yelled.
My heart is torn between servitude to my God and my own desire for a lover.
The air tingled with arcane energy as I weaved the teleportation spell. With a breath, I dispelled the magic. In a blink of an eye, I was gone.
"Are you there?"
The cursor on the screen continues to blink.
I switched on my computer.
My head swimming.
Thoughts of her flooded my mind. Overflowing, overwhelming.
"I... I..."
Choked on my words.
"I love you too," she supplied.
From then onwards, the noisy cafeteria seemed so quiet. The place was bursting with people and activity, but I felt so at peace just sitting next to her - her hand in mine, her fingers interlocked with mine, her head gently leaned on my shoulder, the smell of her hair, her soft words, her soothing presence.
I gulped. That was not I had expected.
I love her. I love her so much, it's absurd. Seriously absurd. It's wrong.
Then again, we're so..... Meant to be.
But, I have to let her go. I thought I'd put both of us at rest - bring a sense of closure or satisfaction - by clearing all the clutter; by coming clean about our feelings.
Letting go became more difficult than ever.
My God calls. I begin to weave the spell to open the door to Edenia. Then a window popped up on my computer screen.
"Hey... You there? I wanna talk about just now..."
I decided to let my God wait a bit.
"Why did you leave like that?" she added.
I thought, my God is gonna have to wait more than just a bit.
I begin to type my reply.
"I..."
My God yelled.
My heart is torn between servitude to my God and my own desire for a lover.
The air tingled with arcane energy as I weaved the teleportation spell. With a breath, I dispelled the magic. In a blink of an eye, I was gone.
"Are you there?"
The cursor on the screen continues to blink.
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