Envy

Handsome, stylish and suave.

Intelligent, witty and funny.

His charm, his charisma, his personality.

Exuberant.

I'm just like him, except that I'm not just not like him.

He's just better than me in everything.

He sings better, he dances better, he excels in everything; I'm just a fading shadow feebly trying to emulate him.

I've known him all my life, and he's been closer than a brother. But as we grew up, I watched him outdo me. Watched him become a better man, a better person than who I could ever become.

Envy, jealousy. A rare emotion for me. Even for a pessimistic, perfectionist idealist like me, I know the meaning of "contentment" or "satisfaction", not because I read the dictionary more often - I am content.

But by saying that, I just contradicted myself, didn't I?

Envy - "discontentment or resentful longing aroused by another's possession or qualities".

AHA! DIS-contentment! How can I say I'm content now?


Envy, a rare emotion for me, because I live in a society where everyone's stuck with situations they had not wished for. I'm the only guy around who gets what I want. Yet, I'm jealous of this friend of mine.


The pressures of the world where everyone's chasing after material and superlatives. I'm a sucker, an "individual" with herd mentality.


"Life is a contradiction," I said.
"And you're a walking irony," a friend replied.
"Perhaps," I thought as I looked into the mirror.
"Cool T-shirt," I thought again, but the T-shirt says "NERD".

I thought I lived a happy life, until I decided to look at my "idol", my friend who outshines me. Oh, the bitter pain of jealousy, the greenery which ain't any crunchy fresh vegetable.


The "great irony" occurred when we talked last night.


"Wow man, I look at you with your girlfriend! You two are like so STEADY! Damn... Envy!" he told me.


I envy everything he has. And vice versa.


So now, I've stopped feeling jealous. I smile; gratefulness fills my heart. Now I wonder how I'm going to get along with the rest of the complaining world.