Less than I

I wrote my apology
On this yellow piece of crumpled up paper
But I keep it in my pocket
Unable to decide what to do
Indecision grips my heart
And my mouth holds fast

I admit I am corrupted
Mind, body
Spirit and soul
Swallowed completely
Swallowed whole

I'm sorry
But I'm not who you think I am
I'm lesser than he

I've heard of that special spark
That ignites one's soul
Inflaming the spirit
Permeating the mind
And galvanizing the body

That special spark which gives all the chance to be the best versions of themselves

Maybe I once had it
But maybe don't anymore
I've been going through the motions
An empty husk with a fake smile

With my tiny hands
I fumble to patch the holes in my heart
The blood leaks
Is this it; is this the start
I am draining

Like a candle in the wind
Like foam on the stormy waves
Should I hold on to dear life?

I've lost the Spirit
I've turned away
The was-once cooling oil
Now burns me
Like coals being heaped on my head

I lie on the dusty ground
A corpse; dry and rotten
Within me
Worms that never die
And fire that never burns out

But if you really believe
In that spark
You aver about
Is who we really need

Then
I'll try.