Afraid

He looked at her smiling face across the table. She was laughing, constantly moving, never sitting still. Her excited chatter filled the room.

She looked at him with laughter in her eyes. Her eyebrows asked a silent question.

He smiled back, to show that everything was alright. But even as he smiled, he wondered if his smile was sincere. Was everything really alright? He did a cursory examination of themselves and the past few days and couldn't see any cause for concern. Yet deep down inside he knew that something was out of place. He should be happy, but he wasn't. She was the girl of his dreams, beautiful in every way, and she loved him. She loved him. He still hadn't gotten over that bewildering, astonishing fact yet. And so he should be happy. But he wasn't. Why wasn't he happy??

His mind flashed back to the conversation they'd had a couple of days ago. "If we can remember the one thing that each of us loves most about the other," she had said, "I believe that we can get through anything."

Anything. That single word repeated itself over and over again in his mind. Anything. He wanted to believe it. No, he needed to believe it. This relationship meant more to him than any other he had experienced. With her, he experienced emotions and feelings so strong, so clear, that they completely overwhelmed him. Within the short time they had known each other, she had come to mean more to him then anything else in the world.

"You stole my heart," she had teased. "But I left mine behind," he had replied jokingly. But only now did he begin to understand what those words left unsaid. A feeling of utter vulnerability. They had come to mean so much to each other that the notion of the relationship not working out was terrifying. "Love is fragile," someone had once said to him. He had not understood then, believing that true love could withstand anything. But he understood now. Even the strongest and surest of relationships contained, at least in the beginning, an element of uncertainty. It was a paradox, really. The stronger the love that one feels for the other, the greater the uncertainty, vulnerability, fragility. Uncertainties that only time could dismiss. And all of a sudden he understood.

He was scared. He was afraid, frightened, terrified. Terrified that it wouldn't work out. Terrified that it was just a passing phase.

"I know," a voice said in his ear. He started and turned. She had suddenly appeared by his side.

"You're afraid," she said. "Of us."

He shook his head in astonishment. "You constantly amaze me, you know. The way you so easily read my mind."

She smiled. Then her face became serious, and she leaned in closer.

"I'm scared too," she whispered.

He turned towards her, his eyes full of questions. But she shook her head.

"Shhh," she said softly. "It's alright. I believe that together we can get through anything. I believe."

He smiled.