Love, unrequited

I scanned the crowd hurriedly, eager to catch a glimpse of her. It had been so long. What would she look like now? Had she missed me as badl- Bah, fanciful thinking. Why didn't that vain hope ever diminish? Those years overseas hadn't cured me of my infatuation as I had hoped it would. She never was mine. She was his. Without any warning, a wave of disappointment flooded me over.

As I attempted to swallow the knot in my throat, she appeared. Her face aglow, she skipped towards me with a dazzling smile. Before she could detect any sign of my depression, I had plastered a grin onto my face and stuck out my hand in an awkward attempt to shake hers.

"Marshall! I was expecting something more - like a hug, perhaps?" She remarked uncertainly, grinning as usual while giving me a half-hearted handshake.

Chuckling uncomfortably, I obliged. Boy, she felt so good to the touch - she even smelt so good...

"Um, you don't want to let go, huh? Fine with me. I don't really feel like letting go just yet, either," She was teasing now, the soft edge in her voice barely perceptible. Or was that just my imagination playing up again? I snapped out of my reverie and broke off all contact by taking an abrupt step backward.

"Sorry. It feels good to be home. Glad to see you."

"You look as good as ever. Come, let's go meet the others."

We made small talk along the way. I tried to keep my tone upbeat and light to match hers - it wouldn't do for her to sense something was wrong, anyway.

Inside, I felt morose. I kept pace with her quickening step as she neared our circle of friends. And him. Trying not to watch - and failing ultimately - her slip her hand into his, I acknowledged the fanfare of "welcome back!"s and drowned myself in all the attention showered upon me. It was a welcome distraction. I avoided looking in her direction. Their direction.

They say the worst way to miss a person is to be close to them, yet know that you can't have them. The painful blow of this realization left a throbbing ache in my heart - an ache that only intensified now that I was back home. The worst part wasn't the resentment I felt against him, it was the fact that he was a decent guy, and that both of them looked so happy together. They almost glowed in each other's presence. Ignoring the cliche statement that the noblest way to love a person would be to let them go, I couldn't help but wish I was in his place, holding her hand. So I got to hold her for a few seconds, while what I really wanted was to hold her forever. How ironic. Maybe it would have been less painful if she hadn't hugged me.

"So, I'll see you guys later. Good to have you back, Marshall."

She blew me a flying kiss, fluttering her fingers goodbye as they turned to walk off.

I surreptitiously caught that kiss, hid it in my greying heart and watched her retreating figure.

-Maia-