Troubled

Diana

'Where's James?'

'I don't know. Am I supposed to know?' I shot Marshall a defensive glare, startled at how bitter I sounded. No, I wasn't bitter. I had no reason to be. Right?

'Chill. I was just asking.' So he'd noticed how curt my reply was. He eased into a chair opposite mine and looked at me quizzically.

'Is there something wrong?'

'No. I'm perfectly fine. What's up?'

'You don't seem fine. For one thing, you haven't smiled once since I appeared, and you're obviously distracted by something. James?'

He received another murderously dark look from me. Marshall could be impossibly irritating at times, especially when it involved James. And whenever he teased, I flared up. For some reason. Maybe it was because I sensed that Marshall resented James for getting the most of my attention, and I didn't like my priorities being questioned.

'He's not my boyfriend. Why do you expect me to know where he is, as if he's supposed to be a permanent fixture by my side?'

'Someone's getting sensitive.'

I sighed inaudibly. He was right. Not that I was going to admit it, but I was conscious of how irrationally I was reacting. I sat there silently, not bothering to reply. As much as I tried to convince myself that Marshall started it, I knew I was in a foul mood and he was the innocent party.

'You know, I really don't think this is the best time to bring this up, but since I'm here already, I might as well find out. Who's that new girl James was hanging out with the other day in town? She's not from our academy, is she?'

'You mean Angela? No. James met her...somewhere else.'

As those words left my mouth, I found myself wondering once again where, how and when they even met. Weirdly enough, James hadn't said a single word about it. This was so unlike him - but then again, he'd been acting up lately. A few weeks ago, he would have shared everything with me - his dreams, his thoughts, his opinions. A few weeks ago, he would have still been my best friend. The news that he was dating Angela came rather suddenly through the grapevine, and I felt like I had been left out in the dark intentionally. Like he didn't want to tell me anything anymore. Like I wasn't close enough to be trusted. No. James wasn't like that. I didn't want to jump to such disturbing conclusions. I immediately pushed those unpleasant thoughts out of my mind.

'She's hot.'

I grinned half-heartedly in response. Guys. Every other girl was hot anyway. My thoughts wandered further. Why was he acting so evasive? As if he was afraid of being seen with me. I recalled how he'd excused himself hastily in the past few weeks every time I approached him to talk. And that look he gave me. That almost disdainful expression in his eyes. Those big, brown eyes of his that never lied. It couldn't be, could it? I'm just imagining things. I'm just being paranoid.

And Angela. Somehow, the thought of them together made me sick. I couldn't imagine James, my James ever belonging to anyone else, but now it was so. Angela was sweet, pretty and everything a girl could ever hope to be. Then why did I feel so bad about it? What reason did I have for feeling this way? She was good for him. So why did I feel my stomach sinking?

Why was Marshall- I suddenly realized that he was still there and that I'd drifted. He'd been scrutinizing my expression intently for the past few minutes. I cleared my throat to break the uncomfortable silence. Marshall was still looking at me queerly. Apologetically, in fact. But why apologetically? It wasn't as if he'd said anything wrong. If I deserved an apology or at least, an explanation from anyone, it would be from James. He was the one acting like a...like a...jerk. Jerk. I swallowed hard as that word echoed in my mind. I never thought I'd see the day when "James" and "jerk" would be found in the same sentence. A sentence formed by, of all people, me. His best friend. Once, anyway.

'Anyway, I always thought you two were in love. Really. The way he looks at you-'

I liked neither the direction the conversation was going in, nor the inexplicably unpleasant emotions surfacing as a result.

'Hey, I have to go complete an assignment. Catch you later, okay?'

I flashed him my brightest smile and left the library, feeling his eyes on me with every step I took.

***

Stunned speechless by those stinging words, I could only stare at him. Who was he? Why didn't I know him anymore? Was this the very same James who'd been my best friend all these years? I struggled to regain my composure. The hurt I felt must have registered on my face, because the next thing I knew, he smirked.

He smirked.

As if I wasn't devastated enough already. I didn't trust myself to speak, and he didn't allow me to, anyway. Turning on his heels, he slammed the door after himself, the blast reverberating around the room, ringing in my ears, suffocating my heart.

Anger. That was the next thing I remembered. Anger and hurt, fueling my energy. I was too angry to cry, too humiliated to retreat. How dare he. How dare he! I didn't do anything to deserve this! Fine. Two could play this little game.

And I knew exactly how to hurt him, to wipe that cocky smirk off his face.

-May-